I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
