As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
