member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
