so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
