dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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