I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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