A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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