Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
