Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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