I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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