We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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