You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize