He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
