I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
