Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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