Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
