Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
