the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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