Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
