So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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