you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
