This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
