I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
