3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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