On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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