I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
