We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
