i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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