She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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