So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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