someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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