There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
