I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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