i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
