You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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