the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize