so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
