remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Pants are for mortals
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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