okay pat passed out under dana's car
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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