got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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