You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
