For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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