I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
