hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
