I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
