You just made me feel so damn special
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
