So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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