Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
It was confusing and full of hummus
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
