we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
