if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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