I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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