Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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