It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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