Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
