So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
