woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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