i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
