I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
