You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
