R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
