How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
