Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i came on her dog
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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