i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
