you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
