Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
