I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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