She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
