you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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