Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
