If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
