After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
