The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
