I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Randomize
