why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize