But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
