After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
