I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
