all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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