Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
