woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
