it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
