i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
