I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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