when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
