She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
