dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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