My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
