I puked a lego.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
