dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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