A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize