Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
