Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
